Introduction:
The younger son,
The elder son, and
The father (2)

Frankly, I had never thought of myself as the elder son, but once Bart confronted me with the possibility, countless ideas started running through my head. Beginning with the simple fact that I am, indeed, the eldest child in my own family, I came to see how I had lived a quite dutiful life. When I was six years old, I already wanted to become a priest and never changed my mind. I was born, baptized, confirmed, and ordained in the same church and had always been obedient to my parents, my teachers, my bishops, and my God. I had never run away from home, never wasted my time and money on sensual pursuits, and had never gotten lost in “debauchery and drunkenness.” For my entire life I had been quite responsible, traditional, and homebound. But, with all of that, I may, in fact, have been just as lost as the younger son. I suddenly saw myself in a completely new way. I saw my jealousy, my anger, my touchiness, doggedness and sullenness, and most of all, my subtle self-righteousness. I saw how much of a complainer I was and how much of my thinking and feeling was ridden with resentment. For a time it became impossible to see how I could ever have thought of myself as the younger son. I was the elder son for sure, but just as lost as his younger brother, even though I had stayed “home” all my life.
I had been working very hard on my father’s farm, but had never fully tasted the joy of being at home. Instead of being grateful or all the privileges I had received, I had become a very resentful person: jealous of my younger brothers and sisters who had taken so many risks and were so warmly welcomed back. During my first year and a half at Daybreak, Bart’s insightful remark continued to guide my inner life.


注釈:
Frankly, I had never thought of myself as the elder son, but once Bart confronted me with the possibility, countless ideas started running through my head.
「confront」はここでは「・・・を直面させる(present, face)」。

Beginning with the simple fact that I am, indeed, the eldest child in my own family, I came to see how I had lived a quite dutiful life.
「dutiful」は「本分を尽くす、義務を果たす、忠実な、従順な(obedient)」。

When I was six years old, I already wanted to become a priest and never changed my mind.

I was born, baptized, confirmed, and ordained in the same church and had always been obedient to my parents, my teachers, my bishops, and my God.
「baptized」は「洗礼を受けた」。「confirmed」はここでは「堅信の秘跡を授かった」。「ordained」はここでは「叙階を受けた(聖職者に任命された)」の意です。欧米のカトリックでは通例生まれると直ぐに洗礼を受けますが、自らの意志を表明できない段階です。それでその後「堅信礼」という儀式で自らの意志を表明します。夫々重要なカトリックの儀式です。

I had never run away from home, never wasted my time and money on sensual pursuits, and had never gotten lost in “debauchery and drunkenness.”
「sensual」は「快楽趣味の(physical, carnal)」。「pursuit」はここでは「気晴らし(activity, hobby)」。「debauchery」は「酒色、放蕩(dissipation)」。

For my entire life I had been quite responsible, traditional, and homebound.
「responsible」はここでは「善悪の区別ができる、合理的に考え行動できる(trustworthy)」、「traditional」は「伝統的な⇒古いタイプの」、「homebound」は「家に閉じこもった」。

But, with all of that, I may, in fact, have been just as lost as the younger son. I suddenly saw myself in a completely new way.

I saw my jealousy, my anger, my touchiness, doggedness and sullenness, and most of all, my subtle self-righteousness.
「touchiness」は「神経質なこと」。「doggedness」は「強情なこと」。「sullenness」は「むっつりすること」。「subtle」は「かすかな(slight)」。「self-righteousness」は「独善的なこと」。

I saw how much of a complainer I was and how much of my thinking and feeling was ridden with resentment.
「ridden」はここでは「支配されて」。「resentment」は「憤り(anger)」。

For a time it became impossible to see how I could ever have thought of myself as the younger son.
「for a time」は「しばらく、すこしの間」。

I was the elder son for sure, but just as lost as his younger brother, even though I had stayed “home” all my life.
I had been working very hard on my father’s farm, but had never fully tasted the joy of being at home.

Instead of being grateful or all the privileges I had received, I had become a very resentful person: jealous of my younger brothers and sisters who had taken so many risks and were so warmly welcomed back.
「resentful」は「憤慨している(angry)」。「take a risk / risks」は「危険を冒す」。

During my first year and a half at Daybreak, Bart’s insightful remark continued to guide my inner life.
「insightful」は「洞察力のある」。