THE LIVING PAINTING (4)
And still, after a long life as son, I know for sure that the true call is to become a father who only blesses in endless compassion, asking no questions, always giving and forgiving, never expecting anything in return. In a community, all this is often disturbingly concrete. I want to know what is happening. I want to be involved in the daily ups and downs of people's lives. I want to be remembered, invited, and informed. But the fact is that few recognize my desire and those who do are not sure how to respond to it. My people, whether handicapped or not, are not looking for another peer, another playmate, nor even for another brother. They seek a father who can bless and forgive without needing them in the way they need him. I see clearly the truth of my vocation to be a father; at the same time it seems to me almost impossible to follow it. I don't want to stay home while everyone goes out, whether driven by their many desires or their many angers. I feel these same impulses and want to run around like others do! But who is going to be home when they return - tired, exhausted, excited, disappointed, guilty, or ashamed? Who is going to convince them that, after all is said and done, there is a safe place to return to and receive an embrace? If it is not I, who is it going to be? The joy of fatherhood is vastly different from the pleasure of the wayward children. It is a joy beyond rejection and loneliness; yes, even beyond affirmation and community. It is the joy of a fatherhood that takes its name from the heavenly Father and partakes in his divine solitude.
It does not surprise me at all that few people claim fatherhood for themselves. The pains are too obvious, the joys too hidden. And still, by not claiming it I shirk my responsibility as a spiritually adult person. Yes, I even betray my vocation. Nothing less than that! But how can I choose what seems so contrary to all my needs? A voice says to me, "Don't be afraid. The Child will take you by the hand and lead you to fatherhood." I know that voice can be trusted. As always, the poor, the weak, the marginal, the rejected, the forgotten, the least . . . they not only need me to be their father, but also show me how to be a father for them. True fatherhood is sharing the poverty of God's non-demanding love. I am afraid to enter into that poverty, but those who have already entered it through their physical or mental disabilities will be my teachers.
注釈：
And still, after a long life as son, I know for sure that the true call is to become a father who only blesses in endless compassion, asking no questions, always giving and forgiving, never expecting anything in return.
「compassion」の語源は『「com（共に）」＋「passion（苦しむこと）⇒激情」』で「思いやり」の意。「the passion」は「キリスト教徒の受難」。「the Passion」は「キリストの受難」。『パッション』という映画がありましたが、原題はThe Passion of the Christ 。「in return」は「お返しに、返礼として」。
In a community, all this is often disturbingly concrete.
「community」はここでは「（ある共通の目的を持って共に生活をする）共同体」。「disturbingly」は「心をかき乱すほど」。「concrete」はここでは「実際の、現実の（definite, real）」。
I want to know what is happening. I want to be involved in the daily ups and downs of people's lives.
「ups and downs」はここでは「起伏」。
I want to be remembered, invited, and informed. But the fact is that few recognize my desire and those who do are not sure how to respond to it. My people, whether handicapped or not, are not looking for another peer, another playmate, nor even for another brother. They seek a father who can bless and forgive without needing them in the way they need him.
I see clearly the truth of my vocation to be a father; at the same time it seems to me almost impossible to follow it.
「vocation」の語源は『「voc-（叫ぶ）」＋「-ation（結果として生じたもの）⇒神からのこれこれしなさいというお呼び』で現在では「召命」「天職」「職業」の意で使われています。日本語の「職業」に一番近い語は「occupation」。
I don't want to stay home while everyone goes out, whether driven by their many desires or their many angers.
I feel these same impulses and want to run around like others do!
「impulse」は「衝動（urge, instinct, drive, compulsion, itch, whim, desire, fancy, notion）」。
But who is going to be home when they return - tired, exhausted, excited, disappointed, guilty, or ashamed? Who is going to convince them that, after all is said and done, there is a safe place to return to and receive an embrace? If it is not I, who is it going to be?
The joy of fatherhood is vastly different from the pleasure of the wayward children.
「wayward」は「awayward」の「頭音」が消失したもの。『「away（向こうへ）」＋「-ward（「・・・の方向に」の意の形容詞・副詞を作ります⇒backward, eastward）』が語源で「difficult to control」の意になります。ここでは「わがままな」が最適だと思います。
It is a joy beyond rejection and loneliness; yes, even beyond affirmation and community.
「affirmation」はここでは「賛同、支持」。「community」はここでは「一致」が適当と考えます。「rejection」とか「loneliness」を越えたところには「joy」があるのは、ある意味で当たり前ですが、「賛同、支持」「一致」があるところでは勿論「この世のjoy」はありますが、それをも越えた「joy」である、ということを伝えたいのだと解釈しました。
It is the joy of a fatherhood that takes its name from the heavenly Father and partakes in his divine solitude.
この部分は「エフェソの信徒への手紙３：１５」からの引用。「御父から、天と地にあるすべての家族がその名を与えられています」。「fatherhood」の「father」は「the heavenly Father」に由来する、ということです。「partake in …」はここでは「・・・を共有する」。「solitude」は「孤独」。
It does not surprise me at all that few people claim fatherhood for themselves. The pains are too obvious, the joys too hidden.
And still, by not claiming it I shirk my responsibility as a spiritually adult person.
「shirk」は「を回避する（evade, avoid）」。
Yes, I even betray my vocation.
これは「Yes, by not claiming it I even betray my vocation.」というつながりです。「betray」は「を裏切る（be disloyal to, be unfaithful to）」。
Nothing less than that!
「それ以外の何ものでもない」。
But how can I choose what seems so contrary to all my needs?
A voice says to me, "Don't be afraid. The Child will take you by the hand and lead you to fatherhood."
「the Child」は「御子イエス」のこと。
I know that voice can be trusted. As always, the poor, the weak, the marginal, the rejected, the forgotten, the least . . . they not only need me to be their father, but also show me how to be a father for them.
True fatherhood is sharing the poverty of God's non-demanding love.
「the poverty of God's non-demanding love」の文字通りの意味は「何ごとも要求しない神の愛の貧しさ」となりますが、これでは分かったような分からない意味になってしまいます。「清貧」とすれば少しはニュアンスが出るかも知れません。
I am afraid to enter into that poverty, but those who have already entered it through their physical or mental disabilities will be my teachers.
「those who have already entered it through their physical or mental disabilities」は「ラルシェ・コミュニテイで肉体的、精神的ハンデキャップを持ちながら生活している人々」を指しています。
